How To Banish Approach Anxiety: The SonicSeduction™ Way

From the desk of Derek Rake (

Posted at the DerekRakeHQ coaching platform –

Derek Rake says…

The first step is the biggest hurdle, and once you get past this, you can do the task over and over again. However, it is no secret that most men never get over the fear of approaching a woman.

(In fact – that’s the NUMBER ONE sticking point of those who apply to be accepted into my SonicSeduction™ Insider coaching group… so Chuck, you’re not alone.)

More often than not, men will never cold approach, and will wait the whole night for the girl to show interest before actually taking a step in her direction and seducing her.

Overcoming this fear, aptly called “approach anxiety”, is not easy, but it can be done.

If you have at one point felt the paralyzing fear of approaching a total stranger with the intention of getting to know her before she slips out of your life completely, this Mini Guide is for you.

First, let me start with a strong message that I know will resonate in your heart and in the heart of every male member of our species who ever felt that all familiar fear of taking their dating life by the balls and steering it in the right direction….

“Study the chain of anxiety that binds you and look for a weak link.”

So ol’ Chuckie – here’s my take on the whole situation.

The fear of approaching women is a natural occurrence and should not be something to be ashamed of. Having said that, this fear should not stop you from getting over that fear to really make your dreams come true.

So, here’s what you need to do: break the anxiety chain that tighten around you whenever you think about approaching women.

Here’s the image we can come up with when we try to analyze anxiety. Anxiety is not a single issue, but a series of issues that built up over time unconsciously because of your upbringing, personality formation and the environment you grew up in.

Next, let’s examine the three issues which are the common causes of approach anxiety…

Issue #1: Self Esteem Problems

Approaching a girl after a series of failures is tough. You might associate the girl you’re about to approach with that cute cheerleader in middle school who brushed off your prom date offer with a cold shrug, a sweet smile, and a cutting phrase like “Get out of my sight, loser.”

This phobia is still there, and it is rooted in a single question that automatically comes up in your head whenever you see a pretty girl you want to befriend: “will she think I’m a loser because of my ugly appearance, the stupid way I speak, the awkward way I stand and the idiotic smile on my face?”

If you look at this scenario objectively, you will know instantly what’s going on…

Inside your brain, you have put yourself down at least six times with that question. The mere fact that you asked it at all is a sign that you are absolutely convinced of the girl’s negative reaction.

This losing mindset has killed your game before you even started. Then, it gets worse…

Your body language betrays your thoughts and you start sweating, blushing and stammering. The girl can literally smell your fear and thinks “Why is this guy so scared? He’s creeping me out.”

You see, when a woman feels your anxiety, her regard for you drops lower. She thinks you’re probably going to hit on her but lost your nerve and that strikes her as funny… creepy funny.

Don’t get me wrong about women here. Girls are nurturing and understanding, but the moment you act like you’re stupefied with nerves, she will not think for a moment that you’re shy and need a little coaxing.

She will only focus on what you’re making her feel… and will probably run. You have to show her that you think you’re worth talking to before she gets the feeling that you’re likable.

How to break this part of your ‘anxiety chain’?

Simply put, snap out of it. You’re in an ordinary environment and she’s just an ordinary girl. That’s the reality.

Approach her and say hi like you would when you’re at the office talking to a coworker or the friendly barista in your favorite coffee shop.

You know the memory of the high school hottie who turned you down? Replace that negative thought with a positive memory, like that time you talked to a girl you hardly know and asked for the time.

Issue #2: Fear Of Rejection

Would you believe that there are men who simply won’t admit that they fear approaching women because they know it’s like saying they fear rejection? Think about it. You may have a buddy that acts like he’s a total ladies’ man yet he still acts like a jerk around women.

Have you ever looked at a mirror and said “you’re so cool, I could kiss you”? You’re not alone. This affirmation has become almost necessary in whatever form for most single men who want to date women.

However, this big attitude could be a source of strength or a weakness…

On one hand, this will prevent you from cowering in front of a woman. On the other hand, you might give a woman the impression that you’re aloof when you really just want to say “you should approach me because I’m great”.

Maybe you know some guys who say these things out loud and still can’t get laid. I’ll tell you why. This ‘front’ is a put on to cover the fear of rejection. Some guys would rather not approach because they would rather not risk rejection.

Issue #3: Fear Of Judgment


Caution. When you meet a girl for the first time, don’t go looking for signs of approval or disapproval. It’s like giving her unlimited ammo to bust your ass with.

Listen: when you wear your heart on your sleeve and there’s a glowing neon sign on your forehead saying “please be nice to me, I’m very frail”, you’re giving her permission to string you along and milk your wallet dry.

Here’s an example: the fear of being called a tightwad. She will get a feeling that you will never want her to think you’re a tightwad so she simply asks for small favors that require cash (like cocktail drinks for her and for her friends) because she knows you can never say no.

If you flinch if she so much as mentions the word “tightwad”, you’re going under penniless and with your ego broken after she’s done with you. Some guys go around complaining that women are all bitches, without realizing that their need for approval and debilitating fear of judgment is what makes women behave a certain way.

How to bust this fear once and for all? Say ‘so what’. It’s just a phrase you say when you get that feeling of being judged. You don’t owe her an explanation and you don’t need to prove yourself to a girl who’s taking advantage of your obvious need for approval.

What’s Next?

With these three “approach anxiety killers” you should be able to “reprogram your mind” to remove the irrational fear of approaching. Once you have done this, then you will get a fresh new set of challenges altogether – you will need to be able to make a woman interested, and keep her interested.

And the best way to prepare for that is to tool up on the best techniques that will make up your seduction arsenal to win her over.

Inside the SonicSeduction™ package, you will get no-fluff, step-by-step instructions on how to put on your best ‘game’ and get results that you want with women at double the speed. I break down the step-by-step how you can use a wide combination of tactics to compel a woman (on a subconscious level) to be attracted to you. Master these techniques… and you will control your destiny with women.

And this is only a small part of the whole system… you will also be getting a “no-holds-barred” approach on seducing women that nobody would even dare to publish.

For that reason, it’s important for me to be sure that you won’t misuse the techniques inside SonicSeduction™ – because the danger is real…

There have been fringe cases within the underground seduction communities where such techniques are used to inflict emotional distress on women. And for this reason, it’s my moral and legal duty to ensure that the people I train are NOT inclined to harm women in any way.

Click on this button below only if you agree with the above condition.


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Your loyal dating coach,


Derek Rake, SonicSeduction™ Lead Instructor